A radically inclusive, sex-positive guide to managing the inevitable libido differences in our relationships, authored by two licensed sex therapists who are passionate about good sex.
LAUREN FOGEL MERSY, PSYD
JENNIFER A. VENCILL, PHD, ABPP
About the Book:
Desire invites readers of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, and relationship structures to shed the shame and misinformation that surround the topic of sex and instead learn from two certified sex therapists about how libido really works. Desire differences are one of the most common relationship issues, yet, with fewer than 1100 certified sex therapists in the country, it can be difficult to find help. This essential book breaks the mold of the sex self-help genre, which typically focuses only on cisgender women.
Through the authors’ expert guidance readers will learn about:
- embracing a more expansive definition of sex
- identifying various factors that can impact libido
- managing anxiety around sex (one of the biggest libido killers)
- the structural oppressions—from cisnormativity to heteronormativity to compulsory sexuality to minority stress—that affect our libido
- and much, much more.
It rejects the narrow, heteronormative, “staircase” model of sex—a way of thinking where many relationships get stuck. It integrates evidence-based relationship therapy techniques for better communication around sex.
Included are dozens of techniques, exercises, checklists, and journal prompts for readers to use at their own pace to fit their needs, including mindfulness, body mapping, and sensate focus. Whatever your identity, sexual practices, or reason for picking up this book, Desire will help you reach your personal sexual health goals.
Publication Date: August 22, 2023
Format: Hardback | 224 pages
Publisher: Beacon Press
Language: English
ISBN10: 0807006785
ISBN13: 9780807006788
About the Authors:
Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy (she/her) is a licensed psychologist and an AASECT certified sex therapist. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology and completed her postdoctoral training at the University of Minnesota’s Institute for Sexual and Gender Health.
She has advanced training in Gottman Method Couple Therapy and Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns her own private practice in a suburb of Minneapolis, Minnesota.
She has an active social media presence on Instagram, Facebook, and TikTok and can be found @drlaurenfogelmersy.
Dr. Jennifer A. Vencill (she/her) is an assistant professor, board certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, USA. She is dually appointed in the Department of Psychiatry and Psychology, as well as the Division of General Internal Medicine, where she spends the bulk of her time providing integrated sexual health care and educating fellows, residents, and medical students about the importance of sexual and gender health.
Her research focuses on sexual health and health disparities in marginalized sexual and gender communities. She can be found on Instagram @drjennifervencill.
Praise for Desire:
“Sexual desire is one of the most common issues people bring to sex therapists and one of the most misunderstood aspects of sexuality for both lay people and therapists alike. In this brilliant book, Drs. Vencill and Fogel Mersy explain sexual desire with clarity and finesse, elucidating concepts that even many seasoned sex therapists are unfamiliar with.
Most importantly, with equal doses of wit and compassion, they provide a road map for anyone struggling with sexual desire. This is the most inclusive, up-to-date book on sexual desire I have ever encountered, with the potential to help countless individuals.”
Laurie Mintz, PhD, author of Becoming Cliterate
“Desire is the most important sexuality book of the last decade. Lauren Fogel Mersy and Jennifer Vencill explore the complex issue of desire discrepancies—the most common sexual problem that couples bring to therapy.
The audience for this welcoming book is not just heterosexual married couples but people of all sexual orientations and genders. This is a respectful, inclusive book that encourages individuals and couples to find their authentic sexual selves and express sexuality to enhance their life and relationship. It is a must-read for the public as well as relationship professionals.”
Barry McCarthy, PhD, author of Couple Sexuality After 60
“This book is useful for lovers and those who work with lovers therapeutically. It is simple and straightforward, with thoughtful exercises specifically designed to explore and increase intimacy, while gently explaining various challenges and how to meet them with success. I recommend this for anyone who is seeking to strengthen their relationship and for any professional who is working to help lovers find more success in intimacy.”
Lexx Brown-James, PhD, LMFT, CSE, CSES, author of The Black Girls’ Guide to Couple’s Intimacy
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Photos of Dr. Fogel Mersy by Emily Isakson Photography.
Photos of Dr. Jennifer A. Vencill by Caitlin Nightingale Photography.
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