DESIRE: AN INCLUSIVE GUIDE TO NAVIGATING LIBIDO DIFFERENCES IN RELATIONSHIPS
A radically inclusive, sex-positive guide to managing the inevitable libido differences in our relationships, authored by two certified sex therapists who are passionate about good sex.
LAUREN FOGEL MERSY, PSYD
JENNIFER A. VENCILL, PHD, ABPP
About the Book
Desire invites readers of all ages, genders, sexual orientations, and relationship structures to shed the shame and misinformation that surround the topic of sex and instead learn from two certified sex therapists about how libido really works. Desire differences are one of the most common relationship issues, yet, with fewer than 1100 certified sex therapists in the country, it can be difficult to find help. This essential book breaks the mold of the sex self-help genre, which typically focuses only on cisgender women.
Through the authors’ expert guidance readers will learn about:
- embracing a more expansive definition of sex
- identifying various factors that can impact libido
- managing anxiety around sex (one of the biggest libido killers)
- the structural oppressions—from cisnormativity to heteronormativity to compulsory sexuality to minority stress—that affect our libido
- and much, much more.
It rejects the narrow, heteronormative, “staircase” model of sex—a way of thinking where many relationships get stuck. It integrates evidence-based relationship therapy techniques for better communication around sex.
Included are dozens of techniques, exercises, checklists, and journal prompts for readers to use at their own pace to fit their needs, including mindfulness, body mapping, and sensate focus. Whatever your identity, sexual practices, or reason for picking up this book, Desire will help you reach your personal sexual health goals.
About the Authors
Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy (she/her) is a licensed psychologist and an AASECT-certified sex therapist. She received her doctorate in clinical psychology and completed her postdoctoral training at the University of Minnesota’s Institute for Sexual and Gender Health.
She is a certified emotionally focused couples therapist and has advanced training in Gottman Method Couple Therapy. She specializes in sexual health and relationships and owns her own private practice in a suburb of Minneapolis, Minnesota.
She has an active social media presence on Instagram and Facebook, and can be found @drlaurenfogelmersy.
Dr. Jennifer A. Vencill (she/her) is an assistant professor, board-certified clinical health psychologist, and AASECT-certified sex therapist at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, USA. She is dually appointed in the Department of Psychiatry and Psychology, as well as the Division of General Internal Medicine, where she spends the bulk of her time providing integrated sexual health care and educating fellows, residents, and medical students about the importance of sexual and gender health.
Her research focuses on sexual health and health disparities in marginalized sexual and gender communities. She can be found on Instagram @drjennifervencill.
Reviews for "Desire"
“Fogel Mersy and Vencill’s advice is grounded in clinical experience, delivered in accessible prose, and backed by a sex-positive attitude that accounts for a host of sexual orientations, preferences, and other factors—they include sections on how desire is affected by disability and depression. Those seeking to strengthen their sexual connections will find this a comprehensive place to start.”
Publishers Weekly
“Brilliant. . . . This is the most inclusive, up-to-date book on sexual desire I have ever encountered, with the potential to help countless individuals.”
Laurie Mintz, PhD, author of “Becoming Cliterate”
“Desire is the most important sexuality book of the last decade.”
Barry McCarthy, PhD, author of “Couple Sexuality After 60”
“An incredibly comprehensive, thoughtful, inclusive, and encouraging book for anyone looking to understand sexual desire or improve their relationship with their partner.”
Debby Herbenick, PhD, MPH, author of “Because It Feels Good: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Pleasure and Satisfaction”
“We (and our partners) are the lucky beneficiaries of the brilliance and generosity of Dr. Lauren Fogel Mersy and Dr. Jennifer A. Vencill.”
Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, author of “Loving Bravely”
“This is an incredibly comprehensive book on all things sexual desire! . . . A must for any person wanting to want in the context of a relationship.”
Lori Brotto, PhD, author of “Better Sex Through Mindfulness”
Order Your Copy at These Booksellers
DESIRE: A GUIDE TO LIBIDO IN ANY RELATIONSHIP, AT ANY AGE
For people in the UK and parts of Europe, Desire is available through Waterstones and Amazon UK.
When it comes to libido, every one of us is different But that’s no bad thing. Differences in libido is a common issue in romantic relationships, often leading to insecurity, conflict and communication breakdown. It can be difficult to find help, as most research on the topic adheres to a narrow, heteronormative model of sexual intimacy a way of thinking that hinders our ability to enjoy sex to the full.
Dr. Fogel Mersy and Dr. Vencill’s Desire rejects this model. Drawing upon their wealth of experience as certified sex therapists, Fogel Mersy and Vencill look beyond structural oppressions like cisnormativity and compulsory sexuality, to promote a liberated, inclusive perspective.
Through scientific research, cultural analysis, and practical exercises, readers can learn what impacts libido, how to improve communication, and how to manage sexual anxieties, in order to create a healthier and happier attitude towards sex and intimacy.
Whoever you are or whoever you’re into, Desire will help you find the key to having great sex and making lasting relationships.
